Things not to do on weekends...
Slam your hand into a wall. Not only does it hurt, but when you hear several things go crack!, it probably means it's going to hurt two days later.
Eat half a pie, even if it is filled with five different kinds of fruit (hmmm). You'll gain two pounds come Monday, something that isn't supposed to happen while you cannot eat a full meal.
Buy a television set from an unmarked clearance stack. The sign may not have said Clearance but the prices did. Now I have a green spot on the left side of the screen and I'm probably too lazy to pack the dumb thing up and take it back to the store. Besides which, my hand hurts and I doubt I could put the TV back in the box anyway.
Leave your neighbor enough room to park an SUV with an attached boat right in your path.
Take a beautiful woman to see Mary Frometa because all you'll hear (when you're not screaming in agony because your hand is throbbing) is "She is so beautiful. I wish I could look like that." Or whatever she says when the music is loud and you can't hear your hand throb....
Eat 8 large cookies from a mall coffee shop. Technically, I only wanted 1 cookie, but the guy said if you buy 5 more, you get 1 free, or something like that.
No throbbing hands were used in the making of this blog. But a few sore fingers complained loudly anyway....
Eat half a pie, even if it is filled with five different kinds of fruit (hmmm). You'll gain two pounds come Monday, something that isn't supposed to happen while you cannot eat a full meal.
Buy a television set from an unmarked clearance stack. The sign may not have said Clearance but the prices did. Now I have a green spot on the left side of the screen and I'm probably too lazy to pack the dumb thing up and take it back to the store. Besides which, my hand hurts and I doubt I could put the TV back in the box anyway.
Leave your neighbor enough room to park an SUV with an attached boat right in your path.
Take a beautiful woman to see Mary Frometa because all you'll hear (when you're not screaming in agony because your hand is throbbing) is "She is so beautiful. I wish I could look like that." Or whatever she says when the music is loud and you can't hear your hand throb....
Eat 8 large cookies from a mall coffee shop. Technically, I only wanted 1 cookie, but the guy said if you buy 5 more, you get 1 free, or something like that.
No throbbing hands were used in the making of this blog. But a few sore fingers complained loudly anyway....
posted by Michael Martinez at 9:14 AM
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