Monday, August 07, 2006

Yonkers! One derives satisfaction from Yonkers!

For about a year now, give or take a few months, a scene from a movie or television show has been going through my mind. I'm not sure of what triggers the memory, but what drives me up the wall is that I cannot recall the actor's name or the name of the movie.

All I can see is this guy gloating in deep satisfaction over some achievement in the storyline and he says something like, "One derives a certain satisfaction...." The wording is very specific and precise. He sort of looks like Christopher Lloyd (Doc Brown from the "Back to the Future" movies) but I don't think it's Christopher Lloyd. Maybe it is, but I cannot place the scene.

Well, that's some of what rattles around in my head on a given day. I was walking toward the elevator in my office building with a Diet Coke and a Three Musketeers bar in my hands as this image popped into my head.

It could be worse. I could constantly be recalling Robert Duvall from "Apocalypse Now" screaming at Charlie Sheen, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It's got a clean, fresh odor!" (or whatever it is he says about the smell of napalm in the morning).

As you can see, I remember the first part of memorable sentences, but always forget what

There was a time when I thought I could remember just about anything important to me. I once asked a girl out in college. She said, "Call me." I said, "What's your phone number?" She said, "Don't you want to write it down?" "I'll remember it," I said.

Well, actually, I said that to a few girls. And I really did try to memeorize their phone numbers. I never walked around with a notebook and pen the way some guys do. Not that I went around collecting girls' phone numbers. I mean, what do you do with 10-12 phone numbers? Some guys just like to get phone numbers, I guess. It's not like you can date 10-12 girls a week.

"It's a numbers game," one of my older friends told me.

"You mean, a game about collecting numbers?" I replied.

He actually stopped and thought about that. "No, actually, I just meant you have to ask for a lot of dates until you get one."


I can see why a lot of guys have trouble getting dates. That may explain why a lot of guys just don't bother asking for dates any more. I meet a lot of single guys throughout the year. I wonder where all the girls go. I mean, normally, if a guy tries to meet a girl, the first words out of her mouth are, "I have a boyfriend."

Reminds me of an old Jimmy Walker routine a friend played for me one day. Jimmy Walker rose to fame as J.J. on Good Times. But he was a standup comedian (or tried to be) and he recorded some standup comedy. So one of his routines starts out with "I was reading in Ebony magazine the other don't read Ebony, do you Sir? (the audience titters at some white guy's reaction)...I was reading in Ebony magazine that there are five women for every man. (The audience expresses disbelief, but the guys whistle and cheer)...Something's wrong. There's some cat walking around with TEN women! Where are my five? I just want one!"

I would guess that since he was just being funny, there aren't really five women for every man...but you never know. As many guys as don't try to get girlfriends (maybe they just like being friends and don't want to admit it or something -- maybe they're just really, really undecided), well you'd think there would be a lot of single girls running around.

I read once that at any given time, about 1-out-of-10 girls considers herself to be single -- without a guy. Some girls keep guys around for those inevitable social occasions where they have to trot out a boyfriend for social vindication. It only matters that she has man-meat on the hook, not that it's quality or anything. Marriage is not an option.

Okay, that may be a sassy thing to say, but my point is that there must be more single girls around than are willing to admit to it, because a lot of guys have no problem admitting to being single. I think we have something like 105 men for every 100 women in this coutry. That could explain the large number of single men, but it doesn't explain how 1-out-of-10 girls is single. If they really have so many choices, why are they being so picky?

One derives a certain satisfaction from knowing that one's fate is not entirely dependent upon the choices of others (no, that's not what the guy said in the movie). On the other hand, with more guys chasing only 90% of the girls (less however many girls only want to be with girls), you'd think there was a fair number of girls running around with 2 or 3 guys....

Well, okay, maybe I know some girls like that. So, statistically, it all works out. One wonders what it all comes down to in the end, though. Supposedly, 10% of all babies born to wealthy women are fathered by men other than their husbands. Who are these studly men-of-the-moment? Do middle class women similarly allow wolves into the fold when the chief ram isn't looking, or is the 50% divorce rate a convenient means of switching out fathers for babies?

All of which has nothing to do with whomever is gloating, deriving a certain satisfaction from knowing anything in particular, or whatever napalm smells like in the morning. But it could be worse. I could be reminiscing about Louie Armstrong singing, "Well, hello, Dolly! How ya doin', Dolly? It's so nice to see you comin' 'round again..." (or however the song actually goes).

"Yonkers. Nothin' good ever come out of Yonkers."

"I came out of Yonkers!"

"See what I mean?"


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